Salacious phrases: the religious edition

[ntang]

Ok, it's that time of the year again - time to compete for who can come up with the worst suggestive phrase. This time, the theme is "religion". (Last time, if you recall, it was "coffee". Example: I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer.)

I'll start you guys off:

- He wants you to worship at his temple
- He wants you to put an offering in his plate
- He wants you to find God

Of course, the gender isn't really important, what's important is that they are cheesy, and that they are suggestive. Bad puns? Good phrases. The more heretical the better.

Go!

Comments

[duinlas.livejournal.com]

This one is a lot harder than the coffee bit... mainly because I haven't REALLY heard this style used so much. But I'll give it a go.

And I only give one, because I try to give my best. But here it goes.

"He wants to see how much of his holy sacrament you can swallow."

[ntang.livejournal.com]

He wants you to drink from his cup?

But the format isn't important - the "he wants..." was just because I was teasing someone with that earlier. Go free-form on these!

[duinlas.livejournal.com]

hmmm... ok.

I think that's the harder part. It is a bit more "free-form" than the coffee, and so it's more possibilities.

[ntang.livejournal.com]

Consider this the advanced round, then. You need to dig deep for this one.

[(Anonymous)]

She wants you to make a pilgrimage to the holy site.
She's kneeling at the alter, praying for the second coming.
She wants to give herself completely to Jesus Christ, accepting his love into her body as they become one.

[tullster.livejournal.com]

The bible says to love God more than yourself, but frankly, once a day is more than enough. Anyway, I'm a very visual person.

[quasisonic.livejournal.com]

She wants your donation in her offering plate!

(ok that's more church that religious but it made me giggle)

um.... uh...

[(Anonymous)]

i dont know if i like you guys making fun of religion.

God loves us all and cares for each of us, and he all wants us to go to heaven, but some people are just too stupid to try.

Re: um.... uh...

[ntang.livejournal.com]

This is where having a sense of humor helps.